The complicated act of Marriage...

Finally, Diwali break is over... finally I am back to Noida with lot of memories and a new kind of experience. I was just browsing through my Facebook account and saw a quote from a friend,

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love.”

This quote triggered something inside, I am definitely NOT "love, pyar etc" kind of guy. The trigger is for the simple logic is this quote. It was more about "compatible" and "satisfying weirdness", then anything else. 

This time it was not the usual Diwali, but "Guy of Marriageable Age in Our Family Diwali", so find a girl for him... after successfully dodging for many years, finally that moment came when I had to gear up for my very first "interview". Things went much better than expectations, and second round of interview we even better... but at the end of that day I left wondering about the whole system. If its all about "compatibility" and "satisfying weirdness" then why so many formalities, why all those "Gotra", "Rashi", "Mangal", "Shani" comes into picture. People say its science and it as passed test of time, and quite frankly I have seen its success. But, when it comes to me... I am not ready to accept that my birth time, rashi and place has to do anything with my future. We are defined by our own deeds, two people born at same place and same time could be very different, its all about how you were brought up and how you handle your self. They why so much complications. 

With time society update itself, may be in old times this was the best way to go about things but in the age of ICT, things are much different. I think a Facebook profile or a blog page can tell much more about a person then Kundali... specially when they brings up insecurity. For example, you like a person and he/she like to too... you both fit into "compatibility" and "satisfaction" criteria, things were going well until one person found out incompatibility in Kundali... I think this is the beginning of an end...

As far as I think of myself, I am more of a confused kind of person when it comes to relationships. So why not simplify life a bit...

P.S.- I am a believer of arranged marriage! *conditions apply ;)

Just a comeback!

Someday everything in life will make perfect sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason. 


~ Poulo Coelho

Its been a while...

The days are flying by like never before, today I just turned around and its already March 2012... and the last memory I had was December 31, 2011. I don't know if its just me or the whole world is running so fast or its this 'industry' and professional life growing on me (though I am still coming home at 6 PM). I don't know what it is, but its 'life'. But this is not 'that' life... the busy life to achieve... the crazy life to celebrate... and the meaningful life to cherish.

I am not a person to live this day-in-day-out kind of life, may be I just lost visibility of the 'bigger picture' for few days, and the those days all you need is just a 'push'. I think this is the most apt time to recite few of my favorite lines that gives out my present state-

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd." 

- Hamlet (3/1) 

The time is coming... 

time to change the game... 

time to go beyond what is obvious... 

time to go beyond illusion and doubt. 

Shit Happens!

So finally I am back! and this time I will be more regular... some of you must be shocked to see the title of the post, well this post is one of the most random, thoughtless, and negative (in a way) post I have written... it is just a result of an angry, confused and complicated mind condition... so digest it with Hajmola!

Confused… 

Who am I? I know not when you are around,

They say love defines a person, but I am long lost,

I walk down the lonely road, hoping you would join,

But in the end, I left alone with your memories…

You are my best friend, and you are my worst foe,

You were the one I trusted, had faith in you,

But you have broken trust, and faith,

Now you lost the left respect…

I am losing myself, becoming what I am not,

Just running behind the shadows of unknown,

Living in the sweet reminiscence of past,

Just want to convince myself, that we are a world apart…

I know, you think I made some mistakes,

But those mistakes were being rather grace,

I know its hard to bury past and look to the future,

But all I want is my old friend back!

Sometimes silence is so loud,

That it heard thousand miles,

It hits the wall within, and breaks heart,

Break this silence and hold my hand,

I want you, I need you, and… I love you. 

P.S.-  This is unedited raw version, and I intend to keep it like this...

Down the memory lane...

I was searching something on internet yesterday night and I came across an interesting website on Hindi literature. I visited couple of sections, and started traveling down the memory lane.

So, when I was visiting some of the pages of the website I came across the page of "मुहावरे" (Idioms) in Hindi, and just like typical flashback in Hindi movie, I came from  family of 'mango people', had my schooling in Hindi medium and upbringing like a very normal Indian family of 90's. I was remembering my school days when we were very close to being "Bharatiya" rather than modern Indians. I realize we are missing a lot of things in our life, and I don't think that this neo-generation has any idea about being true "Desi" and they have been eating whatever "Desiness" is been provided by some stupid programs on stupid television channel. The time is not far when we have to find a true Indian in India and this mix bread will take over all. 

Anyways, serious talks aside, I am writing this post for those old memories so lets start a journey with me down the memory lane- 

Language: Ha, I love that language... so informal (with friends) and so respective and formal (with elders) but still a language that directly touches heart, mind and soul. Usage of local/regional words, idioms were the icing on the cake. I remember when just out of fun, me and mine friends in high school class started using those idioms in regular language!!! There is no comparison between that language and this "khichadi" hinglish. 

Games: I have played every possible roadside/indoor game in my childhood, be it late night cricket on road in high school days or paper boat racing during rainy season when I was 4-5 yrs old, it was true fun and enjoyment. The days were full of 'sakal-bandi', 'chupam-chupai', 'sitolia', 'gadha maar' or the best flying kites all day! A great social gathering and great physical activity, where are those days and where are those games... X-Box, PS, Nintendo are good but .... something is missing. 

People: I can still feel warmth of some people I met in my childhood, most of them were genuine and they used to meet because they liked it, not just because they have some secret agenda behind it. I have seen some fights, but at the same time I have seen that how same people make up during festive seasons. I rarely feel that connection with people now a days. 

Festivals: I love to see that time again, when people used to celebrate festival just for pure fun and enjoyment rather than showing off. Most of the festivities are losing their grace in all show off today, and I doubt when if we even enjoy any festival to the core of our heart. 

Life: I feel really bad sometimes when I write some blog about lifestyle or some place, because I am not doing anything out of the league. But to most of the readers that is new, the reason is simple that we have lost touch with reality. Most of the events/blog entries that I post used to be a part of out daily life which is lost in time... and now we see them as some big deal. I feel pity for the generation who have to visit some "Dhani" to see a village life or those engineers in Bangalore those eat at Grameen and feel good about it...

There is a reason why we watch those old Doordarshan Ad's on YouTube, there is a reason that why Mile Sur Mera Tumhara still the best and there is a reason why we miss Surabhi, Hum Log, Dekh Bhai Dekh, Vyomkesh Bakshi... the reason is that we are still the same from deep inside. So why not just move few kilometers out of your cities, and witness life and things that I described above still exists... it just we who don't want to see the reality around us. 

Randomization

Last few days were little busy, new semester has started and I was trying to bring some new stuff in my teaching methodology, so I was occupied in work related stuff. In the mean time I had some interesting conversations with one of my friend and few students, which left me thinking…

Few days back I was talking to a very close friend of mine, and our topic diverted towards careers and work related stuff. I asked her about my work and how she feel about it, she told me that may be you are doing good over there in field of education, but that is not the right place for you. I asked her, then where I am more suited? Her response was you better be in any research lab. On the same note, during my informal conversations with my students, I often find them wondering about my career choice. For, both the cases I have same answer, that’s what I am and that’s what I want to do. I love teaching, I love interacting with number of people and I enjoy what I am doing.

After having a degree from US and good on and off-curriculum track record work in some MNC seems to be and obvious choice. But, I don’t identify myself with that life or little rudely I can say that, that life is boring for me. I know that sometimes I am doing some silly things here, which I often find funny and immature. But if everyone is scared of it than who will take the lead?

My philosophy is very simple and very straight forward; I want to be the best in the world at what I do. Definitely I am not at this point of time, and may be I will never be. But all that matter is by every passing moment I am improving myself and I am right on 'it'. My to-do list is little long and little ambitious, so I have lot to do in next few decades so why worry about what others think… just live life king size, be good ,do good and enjoy the cup of life till its last drop!

P.S.- thanks to Priyanka for pointing out a blunder... late night blogging is not good ;)

Ciao...

Break Down the Walls...

When a child is born, he/she has only blood relations. The first part of the life is childhood, the life that we all miss and, most things we miss about it is free atmosphere around us and a total break free live without tensions and social obligations. But, as we grow up we make new relationships, friends, love, enemies etc., and suddenly one day we realize that we overload ourselves with all the relations and social boundaries.

For me, I like life with no boundaries, I am not a very social person, I hate kids, I don't like noise around, can't stand relatives most of time... Presence of people in my house usually bugs be if they are there for long time. I think, I was just opposite to it few years back, but may be its effect of last three years (in US) that I spent alone. Now, when I look back, I think what has happened to me is for a greater good. I am a wanderer by basic nature, staying at a place with the same group of people is not possible for me, it doesn't mean that I don't respect relationships, but life need seasonings time to time, otherwise life becomes boring and still.

These days, I am breaking the walls that I have created around me. It is a time when I move on and reach to new heights and do something that satisfies me rather than wondering and worrying about people who doesn't matter much to me. I care about very few who are close to me, and I used to care about others as well in a caring way... as unlike others comments and kiddish things never affected me. But, this time I think that I should challenge myself little more and get out of useless boundaries.

As I always say, comfort zone in one's life could be very productive at the same time very dangerous as well, from the past experiences, I learned that second case is more true in my life. So, why not break down the walls around and set self little break free to enjoy a brave new world...

(just some random thoughts)

ciao

Suit Up!

So in next two days my first semester as an instructor will be over, seems like that time just fly by like anything. I still feel like my first class just got over there, I was little nervous as well as confident about the choices I made. This one semester definitely was a roller coaster ride with lot of ups and downs, got a chance to meet some of the very interesting people as well as some of very irritating individuals. This profession teaches you a lot, I remember I was very sensitive person specially when there is anything related to me, or people connected to me or my country is going on, and always believed in making everyone happy (no matter what) but now I am learning to be little tough with people and situations. 

I loved the work, my class at the same time I hated the admin work to my guts. But all are part of academic life, I am really happy that I have not compromised on my mission (may be in some other post), at the same time sad to know about dishonesty, and disrespect growing in this field. Its high time when both faculty and students should understand their responsibility and behave accordingly. Looking at the brighter side, I must say that it was a pleasure to guide some of brightest minds in the country and interact with them and make a bond with the neo-mentality, and I hope to continue the same in coming time.

It was a great learning experience so far and I am looking forward to next semester, I am really not sure how long I will be in this profession, but I want to learn and enjoy every moment of it.

So, suiting up for coming semester... 

P.S.- I am learning to say 'no' as well :)

Ciao

Maine to panga lena hai...

Kabhi kabhi mere dil main khayal aata hai... well, aaj kal kabhi kabhi nahi kai baar mere dil main khayal aata hai ki life is going on the same track for a long time. But, 'khujali' inside me is not letting me to be on same track for a long time, jab tak life main koi panga na ho tab tak dil nahi bharta hai. Professional front things are going well, and personal front things are looking up, but there is life beyond the professional and personal sphere where only 'me' exists (egocentric Anoop!!!). The 'me' circle of life is not letting me sit tight and do things in regular manner, and today after talking to one of my student the 'me' inside me is just kicking me to get out and get going in truly 'me' style.

Life main pange ka bhout importance hai, specially jab panga life se lena ho (total Rajini style panga), and Khujali inside me never let me sit without these pangas. Now question is what is next Khujali for me, bas yahi point hai jahan par ek bada sa '?' (question mark) aa jata hai. I have done many crazy things in life and my khujali always biased towards adventure side of life, it always made me do things that raise the bar to a next level. But this time, its different! I am feeling like doing something different, this time its invoking my creative side, its invoking an entrepreneur inside me, its invoking responsible (?) me. 

Gustakhi maaf, but dear Khujali I am new to this new phase of life and 'me' don't not like being responsible. It just want to be same old irresponsible that do whatever it want to do, makes mistakes and laugh at those mistakes, like to make fool of itself and fool others and finally being enigmatic and love to see 'dhakkan' like expression on the faces of others. Being so unpredictable such that sometimes it surprise itself... and the great feeling of banging head with hand and have a free laugh (not the artificial one that we are used to these days). 

Well, what can I say... this is one of those weird posts that I usually write to confuse others ;) and as far as 'me' is concerned... he says- Neither fire, nor air, nor water, I know not who I am!

The sinner me!

Today, when I was on the random searching mode I thought that lets change my search track from technical, political to something different. Eventually, I decided to search about seven deadly sins and four last things. Although, I know that what are the sins and last things but I wanted to read about them in detail and also about their origins. I must say that lot of websites have very interesting information including beloved Wiki. After reading about them in detail, I tend to believe that I am a big sinner too... May be all sins will not apply to me, but to be fair most of the sins I have committed at some part of my life. The sins are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. 

The revelation was equally shocking ans surprising, looking at the atmosphere around me it is very clear that these most of these sins are not actually sins anymore they have became part of life and sooner or later all sins will be considered normal. Because believe it or not that is the cost that we are paying with being so called developed and cultured. I don't know which direction we are going in, but what ever that direction is, it doesn't seems the right one. Gone the days when these were sins and considered untouchable, now these sins have got a new name- status! and we all are running behind them. 

Lets define new sins in the modern society, I am very sure that honesty, and other virtues are sins for a person to live in the modern era. Seem like the time is coming to interchange sins and virtues.

The Masters of The Universe...

Since my childhood, I am very interested in space, shuttles, ships, aliens and all those things on great contradiction related to existence of the Universe. This weekend, I was on my way from Vellore to Bangalore, and looking at the diversity of the fields outside of my train and same thought process started again. I am not sure where I started, but soon I was thinking about our existence in the Universe. How can a life form evolve in the dead weight like earth, I have seen the best and worst of this evolution process. If I agree with most of the Scientists that we the cells came from the foreign planet through meteoroids, even then I think that there should be some starting point of inception of life in the Universe. I believe, we have a lot of learn about those details about ourselves. The next thought that strike my mind we about the Universe itself... what is it? How did it came to existence and how it grew so much and so complicated... what is exact size of it and what is beyond it? More I think, more complicate it gates, probably we are designed it that way to ask so many questions to ourselves.

I know, that most likely in this life I will not get answers of most of my questions, but I am a believer and optimistic person... who still looking for answers to these questions. When I was younger, I always believe that thinks are not what they look like, there are people out there who made this game called Universe and they are watching us closely may be for some study... or may be just for fun! I call those people The Masters of The Universe.

कुछ हिंदी में हो जाये!

काफी दिन हो गए है, लेकिन हिंदी में कुछ नहीं लिखा, तो सोचा की आज हिंदी में ही कुछ लिख लिया जाये, आखिर पड़े-पड़े लेखनी मैं भी तो जंग लग जाता है ना! आज कल काफी समय मिल जाता है, तो कुछ समय हिंदी साहित्यिक रचनाओ एवं पत्रों को पढने में व्यतीत कर लेता हूँ| कभी कभी आश्चर्य होता है की साहित्य की इन बेजोड़ रचनाओ का भविष्य क्या होगा जब इस अंग्रेज़ पीढ़ी के बच्चे बड़े होगे जिन्हें की हमारी भाषा और संस्कृति के बारे मैं पता ही नहीं होगा, लेकिन मुझे दुःख नहीं होता अपितु इस नौजवान पीढ़ी पर दया आती है की ये पीढ़ी कुछ महान रचनाओ से वंचित रह जाएगी|

The Open Field

"Sometimes it hell getting to haven", I heard this about a year back watching a wrestling show. If my memory serves me right, I wrote about it that time. Today, this line came across my mind while thinking about last three months.

It has been long, tiring and difficult journey. I had multiple goals to achieve, and all of them were very crucial with respect to my future and the way I like to see my life. I never liked the word 'compromise', but now I have learnt that for rest of my life I have to live with it. I was like a wild hawk who like to measure distances with my own flight, but who ever thought that this hawk will lose the wings so soon. But, I have no regrets and no complain I have done my best and I will do my best on the road to recovery. I will not be 100% of what I used to be, but seems like it not the end, it is more like a beginning to explore new dimensions in the life. May be I just need some time to figure out and find out that what is my second love, because I had never thought about it before. So, it is time of some introspection and then again start my journey towards the excellence.

Life is an open field now, and I may choose any path in front of me. But, looking at past and my inherent nature I will probably love to make a new path myself.

-Thoughts from a wandering mind

Love it or Hate it!

Its 3 AM and like any other day I am in my lab working on some project module and simultaneously watching a movie to keep me up. Its been after a while that I am feeling close to work and trying to focus more and more towards research. The truth is, after a long time I am facing a good challenge and this time with approaching deadline the research work look like going towards dead end, but I know that I will not let it happen.

For last couple of years, I have noticed that with increase in work load, my involvement in other stuff also increases. This time again, I am enjoying my evening send volleyball, occasional table tennis, blogs, photography and movies. This things help me to keep momentum towards work, just keeping my finger crossed to get over this module which has became the most prior thing in my life for now. Sometimes I love doing all the work and some time I hate it like hell, its too hard to understand these two opposing feelings and when I focus more and more about thinking over it, I go towards zero and all scattered thoughts start to flow in my mind (just like right now, I don't know what I am writing and why I am writing this blog). But I must confess, I enjoy this state because its very unusual of me and it help me know a new person in self.

Attitude

Life is all about attitude, or in other words I can say that attitude is a virtue that defines one's life. Many time I try to control my attitude towards certain things and needless to say that I fail most of the time. Its really fun to lose against self and play with attitude. Its endless race, and I believe in the school of thought that says it all about controlling your heart, once you have control 'inside', you can easily control the 'outer' factors.

Sometime we do need an "attitude adjuster", to bring us back to ground. This time I think that a lot of people need it in different context including me. There is nothing serious about it, its all about keeping you updated with world, and for that you need some passion and in my case passion comes from three sources, 1. Inspiration 2. Attitude 3. Challenge. I had enough of first and third, but second one is still in trial phase, so I thought that lets give it a shot.

P.S.- Probably its my last blog to some of the people who receive it in their mail box due to limited accommodations. If you are a regular reader and you don't see blog in your mail box in next couple of days then let me know, I will add your name back in the list. Its just to save it from some worthless deliveries.

Bas aise hi...

Sometimes, I wish that I could have a remote with which I can go back to my life and change some moments. I know that its not possible, nor I have regrets of anything that needs to be changed but there are certain things that could have been better. Things are really challenging around these days, but they are not so interesting that I can challenge myself to go for them and use my 'impossible is nothing' attitude. Just want to re-live that killing spirit.

Today, I was listening some of my favorite songs from movie Paap, Krishna cottage etc. and some old days just passed by me, the nights with song and plannings, the days of extra ordinary spirit, some great friends, and a lot more things... and today I see myself and its really hard to identify that 'self'.

Lot of things have changed, some improved, some lost and some gone worse. But no remorse, no excuses, and no complaints...

just a thought...

"sometimes its hell getting to heaven"

Winning and Losing...

Before I start this post, GOOD NEWS!!!
I got my new adapter!!! (For people, those I have added or re-added today for email "My laptop adapter was crashed so feeling incomplete")...
Today was a mixed day... got some great news like my best friend's wedding bells are about to ring and she is about to leave our singles club but at the same time some disappointing news from corporate world and my never ending job search, finally I have listed my car on Craigslist to sell with a great disappointment (it was my first car ever) and I really don't know how to react with two together. But finally, the brighter side clicked and I am really enjoying the time with the good part of the news.

I think, I have started this post to write something else and I am just going in perpendicular direction. So, changing the gears and sharing my new poem-

एक बंद मुट्ठी में कुछ कैद था,
शायद सपनो की ज़मीन थी,
या अरमानो का आसमा था,
एक जीने की तमन्ना थी,
या फिर किसी चीज़ का जूनून था...

कुछ तो था उस मुट्ठी मैं जो शायद बहुत अज़ीज़ था,
एक हक था उस पर और वो भी बहुत करीब था...

वक्त आ गया था उससे रूबरू होने का,
खुली मुट्ठी तो मैंने देखा की कुछ नही था बाकी,
या शायद कुछ था ही नही, बस एक आस थी,
या थी एक कोशिश, हवाओं को पकड़ने की,
और कुछ बीते लम्हों को कैद करने की...

The Dark Sky...

The sky is looking dark and dawn is not the soothing as it used to be, the moon has suddenly gone behind the dark and lightening clouds. Some known faces are missing in this crowd, and some voices have lost their virtue. I don't know whats wrong or missing, but there is someone or something that I am searching for, but still not sure that it is just a mirage or the true source. The alchemist is still confused and waiting for the whisper in the wind that has always had the prophecy of a new direction and a new world, where he will find that 'something' or 'someone'...