Showing posts with label Zero. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zero. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Its been a while...

The days are flying by like never before, today I just turned around and its already March 2012... and the last memory I had was December 31, 2011. I don't know if its just me or the whole world is running so fast or its this 'industry' and professional life growing on me (though I am still coming home at 6 PM). I don't know what it is, but its 'life'. But this is not 'that' life... the busy life to achieve... the crazy life to celebrate... and the meaningful life to cherish.

I am not a person to live this day-in-day-out kind of life, may be I just lost visibility of the 'bigger picture' for few days, and the those days all you need is just a 'push'. I think this is the most apt time to recite few of my favorite lines that gives out my present state-

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd." 
- Hamlet (3/1) 

The time is coming... 
time to change the game... 
time to go beyond what is obvious... 
time to go beyond illusion and doubt. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Who I Am...

Neither fire, nor water, nor air, I know not who I am...

Friday, October 1, 2010

Maine to panga lena hai...

Kabhi kabhi mere dil main khayal aata hai... well, aaj kal kabhi kabhi nahi kai baar mere dil main khayal aata hai ki life is going on the same track for a long time. But, 'khujali' inside me is not letting me to be on same track for a long time, jab tak life main koi panga na ho tab tak dil nahi bharta hai. Professional front things are going well, and personal front things are looking up, but there is life beyond the professional and personal sphere where only 'me' exists (egocentric Anoop!!!). The 'me' circle of life is not letting me sit tight and do things in regular manner, and today after talking to one of my student the 'me' inside me is just kicking me to get out and get going in truly 'me' style.

Life main pange ka bhout importance hai, specially jab panga life se lena ho (total Rajini style panga), and Khujali inside me never let me sit without these pangas. Now question is what is next Khujali for me, bas yahi point hai jahan par ek bada sa '?' (question mark) aa jata hai. I have done many crazy things in life and my khujali always biased towards adventure side of life, it always made me do things that raise the bar to a next level. But this time, its different! I am feeling like doing something different, this time its invoking my creative side, its invoking an entrepreneur inside me, its invoking responsible (?) me. 

Gustakhi maaf, but dear Khujali I am new to this new phase of life and 'me' don't not like being responsible. It just want to be same old irresponsible that do whatever it want to do, makes mistakes and laugh at those mistakes, like to make fool of itself and fool others and finally being enigmatic and love to see 'dhakkan' like expression on the faces of others. Being so unpredictable such that sometimes it surprise itself... and the great feeling of banging head with hand and have a free laugh (not the artificial one that we are used to these days). 

Well, what can I say... this is one of those weird posts that I usually write to confuse others ;) and as far as 'me' is concerned... he says- Neither fire, nor air, nor water, I know not who I am!

Monday, September 27, 2010

A bad day...

Today was one of the bad day of my life, I was struggling all day just to feel free of all burdens. The fight between heart and mind is probably the oldest and most unresolved fight in the history, you don't know what you really want to do and what you are really doing. The heart is pulling you in one direction whereas mind is saying you you to do just opposite. The struggle of making a choice between heart and mind makes you a complete mess and in most of the cases you end up hurting yourself and hurting someone very close to you. most of the time there are some side effects as well... 

Today, I ended up hurting someone who is very close to me, broke my professional etiquette and for the first time shouted at one of the student who eventually ended up in tears, was not able to give my 110% in class, and in the end I am have nothing but feel of guilt.

After all this, at the end of the day I am still not sure which side I am going. Probably people have seen best of me, but not some are seeing worst of me, and I am standing totally helpless to do anything about it. Every time when I gets into any big trouble, I always look for some peace in any secluded place like temple or close to nature and try to find answers and I usually get the right answers, but this time all I am getting is a blank. I am a fighter and straggler who never gives up so easily, but this time I feel like giving up on very first step.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Thought Crises

Today, I am sitting in front of computer and trying to write something, I started with different things 2-3 times and after writing few lines I cleaned up the stuff and got back to the first line. I rarely have such a thought crises... or at-least manage to get some crap to write for this blog. But this time, its different...

I think I have thought about everything that I possibly could but result is nil... seems like too much of interaction within a day makes you empty from the top floor... and today was one such day!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Open Field


"Sometimes it hell getting to haven", I heard this about a year back watching a wrestling show. If my memory serves me right, I wrote about it that time. Today, this line came across my mind while thinking about last three months.

It has been long, tiring and difficult journey. I had multiple goals to achieve, and all of them were very crucial with respect to my future and the way I like to see my life. I never liked the word 'compromise', but now I have learnt that for rest of my life I have to live with it. I was like a wild hawk who like to measure distances with my own flight, but who ever thought that this hawk will lose the wings so soon. But, I have no regrets and no complain I have done my best and I will do my best on the road to recovery. I will not be 100% of what I used to be, but seems like it not the end, it is more like a beginning to explore new dimensions in the life. May be I just need some time to figure out and find out that what is my second love, because I had never thought about it before. So, it is time of some introspection and then again start my journey towards the excellence.

Life is an open field now, and I may choose any path in front of me. But, looking at past and my inherent nature I will probably love to make a new path myself.

-Thoughts from a wandering mind

Friday, June 5, 2009

Love it or Hate it!

Its 3 AM and like any other day I am in my lab working on some project module and simultaneously watching a movie to keep me up. Its been after a while that I am feeling close to work and trying to focus more and more towards research. The truth is, after a long time I am facing a good challenge and this time with approaching deadline the research work look like going towards dead end, but I know that I will not let it happen.

For last couple of years, I have noticed that with increase in work load, my involvement in other stuff also increases. This time again, I am enjoying my evening send volleyball, occasional table tennis, blogs, photography and movies. This things help me to keep momentum towards work, just keeping my finger crossed to get over this module which has became the most prior thing in my life for now. Sometimes I love doing all the work and some time I hate it like hell, its too hard to understand these two opposing feelings and when I focus more and more about thinking over it, I go towards zero and all scattered thoughts start to flow in my mind (just like right now, I don't know what I am writing and why I am writing this blog). But I must confess, I enjoy this state because its very unusual of me and it help me know a new person in self.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Fear...

I was looking into eyes of some people and trying to imagine some moments from past, its just hazy atmosphere all over, some kind of fear building all around... fear of job, success, losing a relationship, failure, future, security, competition, silence, loneliness, incompleteness and all other feelings. I simply don't understand that is this the sole feeling all around in life of most of people or they can even think out of it. Some people are successful because they have fear of being unsuccessful, some are running from their life because they don't want to face the reality called life and some are just keeping silence because they fear to talk, some don't want to take even the slightest of chance because they fear the risk...

What to say its never ending story, may be I could find a way out of my fears or at least learn to face them in more better and effective way...

आसन नहीं मंजिल, मुश्किलों से गुज़रना है,
खतरों से खेलना है, गिर गिर कर संभालना है...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Swadesh

1- "Charanpur ke liye inme se kounsa rasta loo"
2- "Tum rasta bhatak gaye ho"
1- "Rasta bhatak gaya? nahi nahi main to bataye hue raste par hi ja raha tha, shayaad kahi koi mod galat le liya hoga"
2- "mod galat nahi hote, insaan galat hote hai
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"Ek baat yaad rakhna, apne hi paani main pighal jana baraf ka muquaddar hota hai"
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"Main jaanta hoon ki tum nahi chahti ki main jaoun, lekin Kaveriamma ke liye mujhe jana hoga. Ab dekho mere baare main jyada mat sochna.... I mean don't miss me too much"

"Main tumhare baare main sochungi, ye tumhe kisne kah diya"

"Tumhari aakhon ne... kah deti hai sab kuch"
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"Mere aasuon ka swad Mohan babu mere mann ka namak hi samaj sakta hai"
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"Ji haan main nahi maanta ki hanara desh duniya ka sabse mahan desh hai... par hum main kabiliyat hai usko mahan banane ki".... "Shayaad muhje kahana nahi chaiye par aap ne baat chedi hai to kah raha hoon... jab bhi hum muquable main dabne lagte hai to hum is ka sahara lete hai.... Sanskaar.... Parampara"
"America ne apne balbute par tarakki ki hai, aur unke apne sanskaar hai aur apni parampara hai ab ye kahana ki unke soch vichaar unka rahan sahan unki manyatayen kharab hai aur hamari mahan ye kahana galat hai..."
"Hum main se har koi, har roz kahin na kahin galion main, chouraho par kahata rahta hai ki is desh ka kuch nahi hone wala, ye desh barbadi ki aur bad raha hai... agar hum sab ye hi kahate rahe to ek din sach-much ye desh barbad ho jayega, aur iske liye aap sabhi ko kuch karna hai"
"Hum sab ek dusre ko dosh dete hai... jabki sacchai ye hai ki hum sab hi doshi hai... kyuki samasya hum khud hi hai"
"Main sire itna kahana chahta hoon ki ek julaha jisne kheti baadi karna chahi vo apne pariwar ko do waqt ki roti nahi de sakta vo apne bacchon ko shiksha nahi de sakta... bas unhe bhook se marta hua dekh sakta hai"
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"Ye chokra kuch kar ke rahega" :)
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Third Window- Illusion